Week 12 -- Prompt

I Held You In My Arms

Seventeen, junior in high school, Some drinking and partying with friends.

Oh, what fun we were having until  the end.

School out for the summer, I had been chosen for the Upward Bound Program.

Bowdoin College, hosted the program. Off I went to Brunswick for most of the summer.

Meeting new people and making new friends. Classes, field trips and fun.

County fairs, local events and a BTO concert in Boston. Summer was going great.

Thinking it was time that I should get onto some sort of birth control, as I had been living in the danger zone for awhile now.  I go to the local free clinic. Oh, my God. Holy Shit. What to do now, no birth control. Oh yeah, pregnant. All I could think is my mother is going to kill me and then I won't have to worry about it anyway. My mother being a very religious person this wasn't going to go over very well. It just wasn't going to be pretty at all. 

But my father on the other hand might be a little more accepting, as he has left my mother and has a girlfriend. He is drinking and having fun also. My dad and his girlfriend come to visit. We go to OOB for the day. Having a great time and this is where I spring it on him. He wasn't overly impressed but he didn't flip out or anything. I swore them to keep it quiet until I had the chance to talk with my mother

Needless to say Mother had a fit. At first her and her church people thought that I should give it up for adoption, and tried to talk me into that. I refused. Finally my mother decided to stand behind me. Some of the talk was that I wouldn't finish school. But, I proved them wrong. I went to school everyday. Some days I would even get in a fight with me mother in the morning and walk to school. It was two and a half miles. I didn't care I was so stubborn that I would not have ridden in the car with her for anything. 

Also when I came home from Bowdoin College, I called and saw whom I thought was my boyfriend. Well little did I know that he had been fooling around all summer. It sure didn't take him long to run the other way when I told him that I was pregnant. Said it couldn't be his and that he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Really how could he feel that way I thought "Fuck you then. I don't need you, I will do it on my own." I cried.

January 23rd the first half of the school year was at an end and luckily I had all of my credits that I needed to graduate. School had been kind of rough, but I made it through. Gained lots of weight like 50 lbs. Yeah, I was huge. Sick with a cold and feeling like shit. Laying on the couch half asleep and half awake, when holy shit that was a pain like I have never felt before, few minutes pass and OUCH another ungodly pain. 

Mom calls my dad and my aunt to come and get us to take us to the hospital. The hospital being 30 to 40 minutes away on a good day. Winter, snowy, icy spots and night time a little longer. Slow down, bump (awwweeeeeeeeeee) pain, they are starting to get closer. As my aunt is saying,"It's okay dear we have plenty of time." Her foot pressing a little harder on the gas as we go a little faster. 

Finally at the hospital all seems to be going well. seventeen and naive. My mother never talked about sex, babies and what to expect. The next thing I know is I am going to surgery as the baby is breech. February 25, a day to remember. I had a horrible night. Tired, sick with a cold and feeling like crap, cut from just below my belly button  to the top of my pubic bone, staples and coughing really don't mix very well. I can't move my legs, call for the nurse to help me. Oh great, they gave me some spinal shot to numb things up before the surgery. I have to wait to move my legs my self. Horrible feeling not to be able to move your legs. 

My tears,and pain and the disappointment I gave to my mother, was all worth it when:

 ************I held you, my daughter, in my arms**************

When you cried of hunger or pain:

I held you in my arms.................

When you were taking your first steps and fell down,

I would pick you up and I held you in my arms.........

As you were growing up, and now that you have become an adult 

through trials and tribulations,heartache and joy, I held you in my arms........