Thursday, February 23, 2012

Week 5 -- Prompt -- Rewrite

You Go On A Journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend Phyllis calls and says to me, "Ready for a road trip? My daughter is going to attend a field hockey camp in Hyde Park, Maryland for a week with a couple of her friends. I thought that maybe we would take them. If you would drive and we could take the van. I am sure we can find plenty to do for the week."
"Sure you know me, always up for a road trip with you." I said "When do we leave?"

Settled. Saturday morning load girls, equipment and off we go. It was an easy drive down to Hyde Park. Got the girls signed in, settled then headed to our hotel. Tired it  was a long day of driving. Settled in and made our plans for the week ahead.  Phyllis and I took one day and went into Washington D.C. We were amazed as to how clean the subway was. We enjoyed D.C. It was a great learning experience even for us. We commented on how we want to bring the grandchildren. It was easier to get around than I thought it might have been. Checking out the area around Hyde Park. Got turned around a couple of times but that kind of stuff doesn't bother us any.

Phyllis's brother owns a Christmas Wreath business and we both work for him during that time of year. There are a couple of accounts that we deliver to in this area, so one of our mission was to go and meet them to put a face to the name and voice we have only heard on the telephone. One of the accounts is in Baltimore, MD.

 Wow, now the traffic and directions get confusing cause we are more or less winging this little day trip, triple lane highways, one way streets and traffic going in every direction.  Didn't have much of a problem with getting to the florist warehouse. City, with houses on top of houses, but didn't look like a bad area. Get out of the vehicle, make our way to the loading dock where we are met by a tall, nice looking man. Introduced ourselves and told him who we were here to see and why. "Okay" he said. "But this isn't really a very nice neighborhood for two, single, white women so be aware." Phyllis's eyes got really big and she about climbed in my hind pocket. "What do you mean, looks okay to me." Then he informed us a little bit about the neighborhood. See that barbed wired, fenced in area across the highway there, it is the state prison. Over here on this corner, that big yellow house is a crack house. But, I guess with it being this time of day you  are safe cause they are all sleeping now. Been up all night. Well from that time forward, needless to say Phyllis stayed quite close. She is more of a chicken than I am.We had a great tour of the greenhouse and it was great to have met Mr Gilliams, who until today had just been a voice on the other end of the phone. They actually walked us back to our car.

 Now for the interesting journey to get back to our hotel. We were given directions on how to get out of the city and back onto the highway and heading south. Sounded simple enough. Oh no, detour, well okay should still be fine. NOT!!!!!!!! Turned around all screwed up, what to hell do I do now? Simple enough, just stop at a gas station or something and ask for directions. By this time Phyllis is nervous cause she remembered what the man had told us and the area now isn't looking so nice. But, me being me stop at this little gas station to ask for directions. Jump out and in I go, kind of a rough looking crew but whatever. They give me directions, we were to far from where we needed to be. I go out to get back in the van and I'll be damned she had me lock out. I tap on the window, scare the shit out of her cause she was looking the other direction. She unlocks the door, I get in saying, "Why the hell did you lock me out?" Laughing she replied, "They can get you but I didn't want them to get me." "Thanks a lot" I said. "I think that I can get us back to where we need to be." Whewwwww, we did it. That night back at the room we talked and laughed about it. When we told the story to everyone else they thought it was quite funny. "Yeah, should have been there" I said.

Still today we will talk and laugh about this trip. It is always interesting when we travel. Never know what we will get ourselves into.



1 Comments:

At February 25, 2012 at 4:44 AM , Blogger johngoldfine said...

YOu've got a story here but it's like a nicely cooked steak buried under a few pounds of parsley--that parsley needs to be cleared away before you can get to the meat!

I know students sometimes worry about making a story long enough, but that's the wrong idea. The right idea is to focus on the meat. Your set-up is way too long--the story is the story of the streets of Baltimore and the fear, the locked door, the crack house and prison, the nice people you did meet and the not-nice people you didn't. That material could be enhanced, but the beginning and ending need radical cutting.

So, try a rewrite.

 

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